Afterlife Idol
by Siriusly Searching for Black
Summary: I have jumped onto the Bandwagon and made a Parody of American Idol. Though, I've added a slight twist, the characters are all dead. Yes. Dead. Therefore you get the privilage of not only the Golden Trio, but also the Marauders!
1. Default Chapter

A/N: I've tried to avoid it. I even attempted to use them for songfics, but in the end, even the best authors succumb to its evil grasp. Yes, this is a Hogwarts karaoke/American Idol ficcie where the characters sing and dance and get voted out. But just to spice things up, I'm going to have some more obscure categories like Cole Porter, Musicals, and the 80's! Oh, and all the characters are dead, so I can mix worlds

Rating: S for shitty attempt to make a really bad fic good. Actually, I have no idea what to rate this, I guess PG-13 for lyrics and maybe some mad hot monkey love snogging fests. But I guess we'll see what happens.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not the plot idea, well except for the dead part, this is a cliché plot that I'm using. I don't own the characters, except for a few made-ups that might make an appearance. I don't own the songs; they were written by others and sung by others too. So in other words, don't sue me, for I'm broke.

Couples: You're going to have to read this if you want to know. Well, here are some obvious ones. Lily/James, Draco/Hermione, Harry/Ron all others are a surprise!

It was just another day in the afterlife. People were coming and going from heaven to hell and vice versa, the met in Limbo and had a cup of tea or something to that effect. Limbo was famous for it's Afterlife Suicide, a drink served only at the Angels and Devil's Bistro. Yet things had gotten stale lately. Nothing to interesting was happening in the mortal realm. No wars, no Dark Lords on the rise. No, it was in a state of peace, much to the dismay of the souls. I mean, what were they supposed to do all day? Sing alleluia? Burn in fiery pits? No, that was only amusing for the first century here in eternity. Now you got drunk and placed a bet on who would win the war that was occurring. Only with nor war, their was not betting, which meant no drinking.

Yet during these slow times, one person always found a way to liven things up and get them dancing again. Literally. His name was Albus Dumbledore, the most famous Headmaster Hogwarts School had even seen. But he was long since dead, along with most everyone else. The final battle was won and lost with a single explosion. The US had bought the land and decided to use it for testing nuclear bombs. Let's just say that wizarding world didn't get the memo. At least Voldemort was no more, but so was everyone else. Kinda ironic if you think about it. But that was beside the point. For today marked the beginning of the annual Afterlife Idol competition. Where lost spirits came from many cloud nines away to get a chance at this once in an afterlife time opportunity to sing and hopefully win. The winner got a free pass to earth, where they could do whatever they wanted for an entire year. Past winners included Penelope Flamel, who spent her year vacationing in the Bermuda Triangle. Rowena Ravenclaw also won, and she decided to haunt a house, until she was exorcized out of the house. She doesn't spend much time in the spotlight anymore. And the most recent winner was Dolores Jane Umbridge, Surprising, yes. But the last competition was going for the worst singer, not the best. Little leap year joke. But she didn't know that. She spent her year in demon possession. And now was one of the judges for this year's competition. Along with Lord Voldemort and Michael Jackson, who it seems, is Tom Riddle's long lost brother, who happens to be a squib. Who knew?

We start this off with our host, Albus Dumbledore himself!

"Welcome, friends, Romans, Country Men!" A laugh spread through the crowd and Dumbledore winked at an old Elizabethan man, who happened to be William Shakespeare. He grunted and took a drink of his beer. Everyone's a critic.

"No, I won't make a big speech today. I want to welcome you to the 699th annual Afterlife Idol competition!" Another cheer went through the crowd and he held up a hand to silence them. "I know, it's been a long and hard run, but we're still going strong! Even the mortals have jumped on the bandwagon. Something called American Idol...but they won't bother us. I think it's time to get this show on the road, and what better way than to introduce our judges! First and foremost is Dolores Umbridge, who was out winner in last years competition!" A squat, toad-like witch waddled onto the stage, the crowd jeered and booed her, but she just smiled that hideous smile and took her seat.

"I want to thank you for this honor." She said in her sugary-sweet voice that made you sick. Dumbledore just gave her a weak smile and continued,

"Our next Judge is one who we all love and cherish. Just Kidding! Please welcome, Lord Voldemort!" A tall, transparent, snake-like man walked onto the stage, also met with boos, except for a small section, who were chanting 'Voldemort! Voldemort! Voldemort!' He sneered and whipped out his wand, "Avada Kedrava!" He said, sending the killed curse out over the crowd, who just laughed. Can't kill the dead! He grumbled and took his seat next to Umbridge.

"Well, that was nearly kind from our favorite Dark Lord. Now our last judge is someone who most of you don't know. But for the selected few, you will probably pee your pants when I announce him. He is a rather famous singer and his death was mourned by many, and rejoiced by a lot more! Please welcome, the King of Pop, Voldemort's long lost twin brother, Michael Jackson!" A man identical to Voldemort walked out on the stage, waved to the crowd and took his seat. The people, muggleborns, who knew who he was, were crying from laughter. Dumbledore merely grinned,

"Not a man of many words. But he had a voice to die for. Now that the judges are here, let's move onto phase one of our show. The auditions!"

The crowd cheered and a screen appeared and the initial auditions started. It was a rather short video, maybe fifteen minutes. The audience jeered and laughed at the really bad people, and applauded at the good ones. The last guy was particularly bad. He did a horrible Elvis impression; even Voldemort had a small grin on his face. The screen disappeared and Dumbledore took the stage again.

"Well, needless to say, he did not make it in. But I'm sure you all want to know who did! Well, do you?" The crowd cheered and cheered. Albus smiled,

"Here they are!" He motioned to the right, "First off, We have Cho Chang!" A cutesy oriental girl came out from stage right, gave them all a hurried wave and stood next to the Judges.

"Now, before I introduce the next lady, I just want to say that this year we have the most redheads ever. Four or five I believe. Please welcome, Lily Evans!" The first of the Redheads walked out onstage, her green eyes brilliant. She stood next to Cho and Voldemort glared at her. Albus gave her a wink and continued,

"Next we have one of the 'Golden Trio'. She was Hogwarts best student since Tom Riddle and is very pretty, give it up for Hermione Granger!" Whistles and cheers erupted from the crowd as the bushy-haired girl took the stage; she blushed slightly but took her place. Umbridge frowned at her and Voldemort was near color with rage.

"We seem to have quite a lot of estrogen among us." The crowd chuckled, Dumbledore gave the audience a knowing smile and continued,

"Now, I want you all not to discriminate, our next contestant is a charming young lady from England, Miss Luna Lovegood!"

Luna proudly walked out onto the stage; she smiled at the sight of so many 'Quibbler' posters around. Umbridge frowned again,

"The Quibbler was banned from Hogwarts Dumbledore, why do you endorse it so?" But no one pain her much mind. Albus was already onto the next one,

"Our favorite Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Mr. Remus Lupin!" The crowd cheered as he took the stage, looking tired and worn out, but still charming. Luna blushed slightly as he stood next to her, he too was rather pink. Hmmm...

"Now we have the outcast, a traitor to Voldemort and never liked on in the Order, possible the most hated Professor Hogwarts has ever seen. And certainly the most made fun of student. We have Severus Snape!" The weird and twisted people in the crowd cheered him while the others booed. He just sneered and took his place next Remus, looking rather disdainful at the thought.

Dumbledore smiled and went on,

"Now I ask that you remain calm as our next guest appears. He's very shy and doesn't do well with crowds, please welcome Sirius Orion Black!" But nobody came. The audience stopped their cheering and applause. Dumbledore looked puzzled,

"Sirius Black!" He said once again and the crowd cheered, still no one. Albus tried once more,

"Sirius Black!" Muffled sounds came from back stage; Sirius charged his way onstage, his hair tousled and what looked suspiciously like the traces of lipstick on his neck. The crowd went wild when he flashed his smile and he stood next to his cousins.

"Blood traitor." Muttered Voldemort, but nobody heard him. They were too enthralled at Sirius' beauty.

"Now our father/son duo, quite possibly two of the most famous people in the Afterlife, we have James and Harry Potter!" Cheers like no other echoed on the stage. The two came out, near twins, but Harry had his mother's eyes and Voldemorts scar. Speaking of Voldemort, he had his wand out, ready to kill; yet Michael calmed him down by singing to him a lullaby. Families certainly weren't what they used to be.

"The Potter's aren't the only Family here! Next I want to bring out the Weasleys, Fred, George, Ginny and Ron! Come on out!" Flaming red hair hit the stage like fire, Ron was blushing, Ginny was basking in the light and Fred and George were their usual selves. The audience loved them. They each waved and took their place in the line.

"The next girl is one whom I won't soon forget. She was quite a handful at school and even more so afterwards. Rumored to be dead for the longest time, many forgot her, but please welcome Miss Rachel Madison Kerrington!" She walked out onto the stage as if she owned it. Not a stranger to the spotlight she waved and gave the audience a charming smile, instantly winning their affections. The applause grew as she took her place in the line. Even though her appearance was great, her hair was rather frazzled. Any connection to Sirius' state?

Dumbledore quieted the crowd, they had obviously pieced two and two together and were rather encouraging.

"And last but definitely not least, give it up for Blaise Zabini!" The girl walked onto the stage and she was received warmly. She waved and took the last spot next to Rachel.

"Here they are! All sixteen of the contestant here to compete against each other for that pass to earth for a year! We'll start the contest next week at this same time. Each contestant will sing a song of his or her own choice, receive comments from the three judges, and then you, the audience will vote for your favorite. The one with the least votes will be eliminated and we'll move on. Please join us next time!"

The lights went out on the stage and they disappeared. The audience clapped for a few minutes, then disappeared them selves. Backstage, the contestants were milling about, the golden trio were in one corner, the Marauders in another, both with their following. Lily and Rachel were watching the two groups, snickering to themselves, Blaise was with Severus being very Slytherin-esque, Luna was reading the Quibbler and the twins were charming a sleeping Draco's hair to change colors.

During the contest, these twenty people would be forced to live with each other in a house just near the stage. Like Big Brother, you get two reality shows for the price of one! How many more brain cells can we kill today?

In the next chapter, we'll see the house and the contestant's songs. See you later!


	2. Afterlife Idol, 2!

A/N: Here's the next chapter! Hope you guys are liking it so far, I'm nearly done with the next one, so you can expect it soon! Thanks to my reviewers!

Disclaimer: Don't own nothin'

It was a few hours after the opening segment of the Afterlife Idol competition and Albus Dumbledore appeared to the contestants once more.

"We have added another part to the competition this year. Another popular Muggle Reality show is called Big Brother. Where a group of people are to live together in one house for three months, with no other outside contact. Now we're not going to do this to the T, but you all will be living in a house together and you won't have outside contact. But it won't be for three months, only until the end of the competition. You can leave once you've been voted off the stage. Now I'll show you to the house we've prepared for you." The contestants were stunned, but followed Dumbledore across the way to a rather large house. He stopped right in front of the door,

"Once you go in, you cannot come out until it is time to perform. Any questions so far?" They shook their heads and he opened up the front door. Inside, the floor was wood oak, four huge rooms held four beds each, and one special bed for the favorite of the week.

"The person with the most votes gets that room," Dumbledore said showing them briefly inside the room. It was just as big as the others, only with one king sized bed and all the comforts of home. Albus explained that the favorite not only got the room, but also a care package from friends and family. They moved on to the kitchen, which had Muggle appliances; it was obvious that Hermione and Lily would be doing most of the cooking. There was a huge bathroom, which had as many sinks as people, and a shower each plus an extra vanity area for the girls. Who were ecstatic at the sight. The living room was equipped with two large sofas and three recliners, plus a Muggle television, for watching the mortals on earth; many of them had loved ones they were watching over. The backyard had a pool and a patio, and a grill, for cookouts. Once more, Lily and Hermione would be in charge of these. And to the boys' joy, a Quidditch Pitch. Along with a brand-new set of quidditch balls in which to play with. James and Harry were already forming their teams.

The group went back inside and Dumbledore told them to sit down,

"Now, each room had four beds. You were able to see the rooms, four of you in each room. Easy enough right? One room a week will only have three people, excluding these next two weeks. So keep that in mind. You will see that as soon as you choose your living space, your personal belongings will follow you. A few house rules; you will only be able to perform a little magic, not much, just simple spells. Curses and jinxes and such are not allowed, nor are apparation and such. No vandalizing anything, you destroy it, you buy it, and emotions will run high, so please try to keep the peace." He then added in an undertone, "In more ways than one." He then smiled,

"Now, I shall leave you all to work out sleeping arrangements and in one week's time, you all will be back on that stage. Better start practicing!" And with that he left the house. The contestants looked at each for a spilt second, then all raced to go find the room and bed they wanted.

The first room was located nearest to the kitchen and was painted in blues. One would call it the blue room. The beds were in an L shape starting from the left-hand corner and going to upper right-hand corner. This room had a window to the front yard, but it wouldn't budge or break. Fred, George, Ginny and Blaise occupied this room. Blaise was in the bed closest to the door, next to her was Ginny, George next to her, and Fred was on the end.

Across the hall from the blue room was the tan room, and you would guess, was done in tans. The beds made an L shape also, but in the opposite formation from the blue room. This room got no window, but it had it's own door to the bathrooms, so that was a plus. In here was Cho, Severus, Harry and Ron. Cho was next to the door, Harry next to her, Ron next to Harry and Snape took the end.

From off the living room was a hall leading to the next two rooms, also across from one another. The first room was done in shades of grey and beds were set up in the same way as the blue room. It also had a window, only looking out to the backyard. In here was Hermione, Draco, Luna and Remus. Luna took the bed next to the door, Remus next to her, Draco next to him and Hermione was on the end. Quite an odd bunch, wouldn't you say? But this room would soon earn the rep of being the 'peacemakers'. How you ask, just keep reading!

Now the last room, besides the favorites room was In the back of the house, through the kitchen and down another hall you had this room. Which was done in reds. And obviously the best of the five rooms. Instead of the L shape, the beds lined the walls, opposing each other. Two to the left and two to the right. A window looked out at the stage. In here was James, Sirius Lily and Rachel. James and Lily on the left, Sirius and Rachel on the right. Did this arrangement mean anything? Or did it all happen just by chance? And what about the others, did they mean to do what they did, or did it all just happen? Did the house have a mind of it's own and force them here? Who knows, and who really cares!

The initial shock of the house wore off pretty quickly and its guests were fast making themselves at home. The night before the first round, Lily and Hermione made a huge dinner, as sort of a kick-off of events.

"Wow! This looks delicious girls!" James said, leading in a troop of sweaty, grimly quidditch players. He went to give her a kiss on the cheek, but she pushed him away abruptly. "What?" He asked.

"You won't touch me or this food until you're all cleaned up! Now go, food'll be ready in five minutes!" She gave them all a smile a proceeded to place a basket of rolls onto the table. James led the boys out of the kitchen and Hermione giggled,

"I guess the sayings true, the way to a man's heart is by his stomach!" Lily too laughed at this and went back to the salad she was preparing. Rachel, Ginny and Cho came in from outside a few second later, chatting about the game and its parallel from games at Hogwarts. All of the guests were surprised that old house rivalries hadn't impeded on their friendships, if anything it help strengthen them.

"Hey there Lils!" Rachel said, crossing the kitchen to get herself a drink, "Anything I can do to help?" She asked sweetly. Lily and Hermione just rolled their eyes,

"Now you offer to help, when everything's done!" She smiled, "Just kidding Rach. Who won the game? James was very happy when they came in, of course that could be because of the food." Cho pulled out her usual chair and took a seat as Rachel propped herself up on the kitchen counter.

"Well, Harry's team had an early lead, but James caught the snitch. I guess Harry isn't quite as good as his Dad is." She said and popped a grape into her mouth with a smile. The boys came back within the minute, all clean and very hungry. Hermione set the last few things on the table and took her seat. Rachel jumped down and followed Lily to the table, taking her seat next to Sirius she grinned and ruffled up his hair. Draco gave Hermione a peck and sat down next to her,

"Looks wonderful." He said with a smile. Blaise came out from her room and scared Ginny as she made her way over to the table; they sat down and started discussing something. Harry and Ron were very much engrossed in a conversation; nobody really paid much attention as they sat down in the two chairs next to Blaise. Snape came out from his hole, looking surely and aloof, sat down in between Sirius and Blaise. Remus and Luna came out, looking guilty of some crime, but took their seats and commented upon the presentation. Lily was still up and around and James grabbed her and sat her down next to Rachel and he took the chair next to her,

"It's fine, Lily. Now just enjoy it!" He said and she couldn't help but laugh. The group started into the meal, and it was a sweet ending to the day, and a reminder of what was to happen tomorrow.

The two ladies made so much food that the others didn't think they could eat another bite, until Hermione brought out the triple chocolate truffle. So they managed a piece, or in Ron's case two. The one good thing about cooking is that you don't have to clean up. Lily smirked and relaxed back into her chair,

"Well, this was a good turnout. Now who's going to clean up?" She asked, the table fell silent. Then erupted in excuses.

"I have to practice for tomorrow!"

"You should see the state of the bathroom, Ginny and I must go clean it!"

"We forgot to clean up the quidditch pitch."

In the end, Rachel, Sirius, Remus and Luna didn't get out of the cleaning duty. Can't win everything now can you? The others raced out, just in case they too might get sucked in too the mess. The four looked at each other for a minute then reluctantly got to their feet.

"I'll do the dishes." Rachel volunteered, starting the water. Sirius followed her;  
"I'll help you then." He said, a mischievous glint in his eye. Luna looked at Remus,

"Shall we clear the table?" She asked and he shrugged,

"Might as well." He said and stood up.

To the naked eye, this looked like an innocent group of friends simply cleaning up after dinner. But all evil schemes start out innocent. Not fifteen minutes, laughter and giggles echoed form the kitchen. The table was cleared off and the dishes were done, but they were all covered in soapy bubbles, clothes wet and were having what looked like a water bubble fight. Rachel and Luna were up against the counter, trying to shield themselves from Remus and Sirius' onslaught. Various members of the house only dared to glimpse at what was going on, but gave up interest when the saw that no one was hurt.

As soon as Sirius and Remus had run out of bubble ammo they were both breathing hard and the girls were covered in bubbles. They quartet looked at each other. Sirius wiped his forehead with his forearm and turned to go. Rachel's face twisted into an evil grin, jumped onto his back and they both fell on the bubble-covered floor. Luna and Remus burst into laughter at the sight; Rachel was smothering Sirius with bubbles, and tickling him.

Luna had grabbed a handful of bubbles and rubbed them into Remus' hair. Rachel, exhausted, sat down next to Sirius and looked at him, smiling. He smiled back and pulled her to him. Their lips met and his arms went around her. Remus and Luna averted their eyes to each other and he took her hand and gave it a squeeze. They didn't want their secret out yet.


	3. 3,3,3!

A/N: Here it is! Chapter three!

Rating: PG-13, for ideas, innuendos and words.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Alright?

Ch. 3

The next morning was chaos. Complete Chaos. No one could find anything they needed for their song, nor could many of them remember their song. It was amazing that they were even remotely ready when Dumbledore knocked upon the door to take them to the stage.

Each contestant had a bag with his or her costume or props that they were going to use. No one spoke so as to conserve his or her voices. It was a rather solemn looking group. You'd think Albus was walking them down the green mile instead of to a stage with thousands of screaming souls. He tried to calm the nerves of each one, but he only succeeded in making them worse. He was thankful to leave them backstage and get out there to start the show.

"Hello! And Welcome back to Afterlife Idol! Today's the very first round of this competition and I'm sure you're all excited to see these talented people get up here sweat! Before we commence with the singing, let's bring out the Judges and hear what they think will happen today." The crowed cheered and clapped as the three Judges, Voldemort, Umbridge and Michael came out onto the stage and took their seats.

"As you can see, our audience is very thrilled. How do you feel about today?" Dumbledore asked the Judges, taking a seat on his stool with a smile. Umbridge was the first to speak, with her sugar smile,

"I'm rather excited to hear our contestants for the first time and can't wait to critique them to help them get better!' The crowd laughed and Albus nodded,

"No doubt you are. What about you, Lord Voldemort?" He asked.

"Let's just get this madness over with." He was booed but he didn't care, just scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Michael?"

"Well, I'm psyched to be here and ready to help the next generation of performers make their way on the road to stardom." He said in his soft voice, and he did what looked like a smile, but no one can be too sure.

"I guess that means it's time to get our first act out here!" The audience cheered and Albus silenced them, "First up, we have Ginny Weasley, performing 'Get the Party Started'!"

The lights went out and the music started. Ginny came out in a black tube-top and baggy pants, they both complemented her hair, which was in a high ponytail with wild streaks. She had a microphone and her energy was high.

_**I'm comin' up**_

_**So you better you better**_

_**Get this party started**_

_**I'm comin' up**_

_**So you better you better**_

_**Get this party started**_

_**Get this party started**_

**On a Saturday night**

_**Everybody's waitin'**_

_**For me to arrive**_

_**Sendin' out the message**_

_**To all of my friends**_

_**We'll be lookin' flashy**_

_**In my Mercedes Benz**_

_**I got lotsa style**_

_**Got my gold diamond rings**_

_**I can go for miles**_

_**If you know**_

_**What I mean**_

_**I'm comin' up**_

_**So you better you better**_

_**Get this party started**_

_**I'm comin' up**_

_**So you better you better**_

_**Get this party started**_

_**Pumpin' up the volume**_

_**Breakin' down to the beat**_

_**Cruisin' through the west side**_

_**We'll be checkin' the scene**_

_**Boulevard is freakin'**_

_**As I'm comin' up fast**_

_**I'll be burnin' rubber**_

_**You'll be kissin' my ass**_

_**Pull up to the bumper**_

_**Get out of the car**_

_**License plate says**_

_**Stunner #1 Superstar**_

_**I'm comin' up**_

_**So you better you better**_

_**Get this party started**_

_**I'm comin' up**_

_**So you better you better**_

_**Get this party started**_

_**Get this party started**_

_**Makin' my connection**_

_**As I enter the room**_

_**Everybody's chillin' as**_

_**I set up the groove**_

_**Pumpin' up the volume**_

_**With this brand new beat**_

_**Everybody's dancin' and**_

_**They're dancin' for me**_

_**I'm your operator**_

_**You can call anytime**_

_**I'll be your connection**_

_**To the party line**_

_**I'm comin' up**_

_**So you better you better**_

_**Get this party started**_

_**I'm comin' up**_

_**So you better you better**_

_**Get this party started**_

_**I'm comin' up**_

_**So you better you better**_

_**Get this party started**_

_**I'm comin' up**_

_**So you better you better**_

_**Get this party started**_

_**Get this party started**_

_**Get this part started right now**_

_**Get this party started**_

_**Get this party started**_

_**Get this party started right now!**_

The audience cheered her for about a minute and she bowed then went over to the Judges, it was nerve wracking to be the first act, you set the standard for the rest. Umbridge went first,

"Your energy was great, Ginny dear. But I don't think you quite had the sense of the song. I would've made sure that I was in the proper mindset for a party, you seemed to, well, sexy, for this kind of song." Ginny gave the audience a glance, trying to fight back a laugh. Umbridge sat back and Voldemort just glared,

"You were horrible. That was a terrible song and you look hideous." He continued to glare at her, she just shrugged. Michael nodded a bit,

"Nice song for your personality. You really seemed to get the energy. I am worried about your image though, you might want to tone things down for your next piece. Not that you don't look great, but you don't want to be too strong too soon. You get me?" She nodded and smiled. The crowd cheered her once more and she left the stage. Albus took center once more too announce the next act,

"Here we go with Cho Chang singing 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun'!!"

Cho came out onto the stage and they cheered. She had on a black glow in the dark body suit and glowsticks everywhere.

I come home in the morning light 

_**My mother says when you gonna live your life right**_

_**Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones**_

_**And girls they want to have fun**_

_**Oh girls just want to have fun**_

_**The phone rings in the middle of the night**_

_**My father yells what you gonna do with your life**_

_**Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one**_

_**But girls they want to have fun**_

_**Oh girls just want to have -**_

_**That's all they really want**_

_**Some fun**_

_**When the working day is done**_

_**Girls - they want to have fun**_

_**Oh girls just want to have fun**_

_**Some boys take a beautiful girl**_

_**And hide her away from the rest of the world**_

_**I want to be the one to walk in the sun**_

_**Oh girls they want to have fun**_

_**Oh girls just want to have**_

_**That's all they really want**_

_**Some fun**_

_**When the working day is done**_

_**Girls - they want to have fun**_

_**Oh girls just want to have fun,**_

_**They want to have fun,**_

_**They want to have fun....**_

She bowed and the audience clapped she was slightly out of breath as she turned to the Judges.

Umbridge looked slightly annoyed, or was that constipation?

"You just don't have what it takes..." Voldemort scowled,

"Please leave now." Michael gave her a long look,

"I think you have the right idea, but maybe try something a little more low key. The glow in the dark thing was cute, but not with this song. It's too well known." She nodded and left. Albus reappeared,

"Now we have our first guy, Fred Weasley, performing 'Flavor of the Week!" Applause erupted as he took the stage, his hair was scruffy and his clothes obscured. Enough to make any girl go absolutely mad with desire. The music started and he blew them all away.

_**She paints her nails and she don't know,**_

_**He's got her best friend on the phone.**_

_**She'll wash her hair, his dirty clothes,**_

_**Or all he gives to her.**_

_**And he's got posters on the wall**_

_**Of all the girls he wished she was.**_

_**And he means everything to her.**_

_**Her boyfriend,**_

_**He don't know**_

_**Anything**_

_**About her.**_

_**He's too stoned,**_

_**Nintendo.**_

_**I wish that I could make her see,**_

_**She's just the flavor of the week.**_

_**It's Friday night and she's all alone,**_

_**He's a million miles away.**_

_**She's dressed to kill, but the TV's on,**_

_**He's connected to the sound.**_

_**And he's got pictures on the wall**_

_**Of all the girls he's loved before,**_

_**And she knows all his favorite songs.**_

_**Her boyfriend,**_

_**He don't know**_

_**Anything**_

_**About her.**_

_**He's too stoned,**_

_**Nintendo.**_

_**I wish that I could make her see,**_

_**She's just the flavor of the week.**_

_**Yeah.**_

_**Her boyfriend,**_

_**He don't know**_

_**Anything**_

_**About her.**_

_**He's too stoned,**_

_**He's too stoned,**_

_**He's too stoned,**_

_**He's too stoned.**_

_**Her boyfriend,**_

_**He don't know**_

_**Anything**_

_**About her.**_

_**He's too stoned,**_

_**Nintendo.**_

_**I wish that I could make her see,**_

_**She's just the flavor of the week.**_

_**Yeah she's the flavor of the week.**_

_**She makes me week.**_

Fred bowed to his fangirls and turned to the Judges, who looked thoroughly entertained. Well, not Voldemort. Umbridge gave him a special clap,

"I am very impressed. I think we can expect great things from you!"

Voldemort sighed and glared at him,

"Cut your hair. Wear clothes that fit, and do us a favor and don't sing every again." Michael did his little head nod before speaking once more,

"I like it. The look, the sound, it really works for you. You picked a good starting song. Let's see how well you'll do in the next round."

Fred thanked them, blew a kiss to his girls and left the stage. Albus came back on,

"Well, I think we're off to a great start! What do you think?" The crowd cheered and he grinned, "Perfectly put. Now let's continue! Next up we have Mr. Sirius Black with 'I wanna be Sedated'!" If Fred was hot, it was nothing compared to the blood-traitor. His hair tousled in just the perfect way, black slacks, white button-up shirt, only done halfway and an undone tie. The music started and the crowd died.

_**Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated**_

_**Nothing to do Nowhere to go I wanna be sedated**_

_**Just get me to the airport And put me in a plane**_

_**Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane I can't control my fingers**_

_**I can't control my brain Oh no oh ho**_

_**Just put me in a wheelchair And get me to the show**_

_**Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco I can't control my fingers**_

_**I can't control my toes Oh no oh ho**_

_**Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated**_

_**Nothing to do Nowhere to go I wanna be sedated**_

_**Just get me to the airport And put me in a plane**_

_**Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane I can't control my fingers**_

_**I can't control my brain Oh no oh ho**_

_**Just put me in a wheelchair And get me to the show**_

_**Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco I can't control my fingers**_

_**I can't control my toes Oh no oh ho**_

He finished the song, winked at a lucky girl in the front row, gave a bow and proceeded to the Judges. Who were just as impressed.

"Well Mr. Black, you certainly aren't anything like you record states. I mean, who would believe that his man was in Azkaban for mass murder?" Umbridge was booed and even had to dodge a hex from a rabid fangirl named Nicole. Sirius gave her a smile and she fainted.

Voldemort looked borely,

"This is the one said to be my right hand? I certainly would be in a sorry state if that were true. You're the best so far, but you're still bad."

Michael managed an actual smile, one that was recogniseable.

"Well done. Well done. You're certainly going to be some competition. If you don't win it here, give me a call and I'll hook you up. You have the energy and persona I like." Sirius took the slip of paper Michael handed him and thanked him. With a bow, he too left the stage.

Dumbledore reappeared and looked quite blown away,

"We're going to hear a word from our sponsers now, so don't go away, we'll be right back with the next four contestants!" The lights dimmed and the audience applauded. A voice was amplified over the invisible speakers, it was a spokesperson for the Hell's Angels, one of the prominate Quidditch Teams in the Afterlife.

"You've seen the games, witnessed the brilliance. Now you can take home the excitement of a Hell's Angels game in the luxury of your very own cloud, or firey pit. That's right, on sale as we speak are every game the Angel's have played. You don't want to miss out on this spectacular opportunity to own part of Quidditch History. Available where ever things are sold. All rights reserved. Limitations may apple. Yada yada yada. Now Back to Afterlife Idol!"

The lights came back up on the stage and the crowd was met by Dumbledore as usual,

"Now our next act is Severus Snape with 'Satisfaction'!" Bewildered, the crowd clapped as he took his place. In all black as usual and his hair looked rather greasy, his pale skin looked transparent under the light. He began, no energy, no pizzazz, nothing but his voice.

I can't get no satisfaction 

_**I can't get no satisfaction**_

_**'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try**_

_**I can't get no, I can't get no**_

_**When I'm drivin' in my car**_

_**And that man comes on the radio**_

_**He's tellin' me more and more**_

_**About some useless information**_

_**Supposed to fire my imagination**_

_**I can't get no, oh no no no**_

_**Hey hey hey, that's what I say**_

_**I can't get no satisfaction**_

_**I can't get no satisfaction**_

_**'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try**_

_**I can't get no, I can't get no**_

_**When I'm watchin' my TV**_

_**And that man comes on to tell me**_

_**How white my shirts can be**_

_**But he can't be a man 'cause he doesn't smoke**_

_**The same cigarrettes as me**_

_**I can't get no, oh no no no**_

_**Hey hey hey, that's what I say**_

_**I can't get no satisfaction**_

_**I can't get no girl reaction**_

_**'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try**_

_**I can't get no, I can't get no**_

_**When I'm ridin' round the world**_

_**And I'm doin' this and I'm signing that**_

_**And I'm tryin' to make some girl**_

_**Who tells me baby better come back later next week**_

_**'Cause you see I'm on losing streak**_

_**I can't get no, oh no no no**_

_**Hey hey hey, that's what I say**_

_**I can't get no, I can't get no**_

_**I can't get no satisfaction**_

**_No satisfaction, no satisfaction_**, no satisfaction

He finished, to which they were very glad and he didn't bow or acknowledge anything, merely waited for his critique.

Umbridge sniffled and let out a sigh,

"I wanted more, Severus." She said looking rather disdainful.

"What the bloody fuck are you doing here? You were a terrible spy as a mortal and you're no better in the afterlife. Get out of my sight." Voldemort bellowed. Snape didn't even flinch.

"Severus, right? Do you want to be here? If not, continue this way, but next time, let's see some energy at least." Snape bid them goodbye and left the stage, not a sound in the crowd.

"Well now. That left a lot to be desired." Dumbledore said, looking off after Snape,

"Moving right along. Next and hopefully the one to pull us out of this slump, is Miss Lily Evans with 'Don't Say You Love Me'!"

Lily walked onto the stage and was cheered, she smiled out at them and started into her song.

_**Got introduced to you by a friend**_

_**You were cute and all that**_

_**Baby you set the trend, yes you did oh**_

_**The next thing I know we're down at the cinema**_

_**We're sitting there, you start kissing me**_

What's that about? 

_**You're moving too fast, I don't understand you**_

_**I'm not ready yet, baby I can't pretend**_

_**No I can't**_

_**The best I can do is tell you to talk to me**_

_**It's possible, eventual**_

_**Love will find a way**_

_**Love will find a way...**_

_**Don't say you love me**_

_**You don't even know me**_

_**If you really want me**_

_**Then give me some time**_

_**Don't go there baby**_

_**Not before I'm ready**_

_**Don't say your heart's in a hurry**_

_**It's not like we're gonna get married**_

_**Give me, give me some time**_

_**Here's how I play, here's where you stand**_

_**Here's what to prove to get any further than where it's been**_

_**I'll make it clear, not gonna tell you twice**_

_**Take it slow, you keep pushing me**_

_**You're pushing me away**_

_**Pushing me away...**_

_**Don't say you love me**_

_**You don't even know me**_

_**If you really want me**_

_**Then give me some time**_

_**Don't go there baby**_

_**Not before I'm ready**_

_**Don't say your heart's in a hurry**_

_**It's not like we're gonna get married**_

_**Give me, give me some time**_

_**Don't say you love me**_

_**You don't even know me baby**_

_**Baby don't say you love me, baby**_

_**Give me some time...**_

_**Don't say you love me**_

_**You don't even know me**_

_**If you really want me**_

_**Then give me some time**_

_**Don't go there baby**_

_**Not before I'm ready**_

_**Don't say your heart's in a hurry**_

_**It's not like we're gonna get married**_

_**Give me, give me some time**_

They cheered her and she gave them a bow, then eagerly went over to the Judges. Umbridge smiled at her,

"Very nice, my dear." Was all she said. Very helpful.

Voldemort felt the need to curse her, but since he couldn't kill anyone, it wasn't worth the effort.

"Must you give me a reason to kill you in this life, Lily?" He asked and she just shrugged. Not like he could do anything to her. She being dead and everything.

Michael gave her a thumbs up, but not much else. She waved and left. The lights dimmed once more, another sponsor to make an announcement.

"Are you having trouble coping with being in the Afterlife? Want to know what it's all about? Have you ever asked yourself, what's the meaning of the Afterlife? Well look no further than Sir Nicholas De Mimsey-Porpington's Guide to the Meaning of the Afterlife. It has seven parts that explain the major points of the Afterlife, as well as a very thorough appendex. On sale now everywhere. Don't Wait! Buy Now!"

Dumbledore was onstage as the lights came back up, he had a knowing smile on his face,

"Here we are, ready to start the next group. So without further ado, let's bring out Luna Lovegood who'll be performing 'You Drive Me Crazy'!"

Miss Lovegood smiled at Dumbledore as she took her place. She was in a pleated skirt and knee-high boots. She had on a white shirt and look looked like a catholic schoolgirl. For the sick old guys in the audience, it was a dream come true.

_**Baby, I'm so into you**_

_**You got that somethin, what can I do**_

Baby, you spin me around 

_**The Earth is movin, but I can't feel the ground**_

_**Every time you look at me**_

_**My heart is jumpin, it's easy to see**_

_**You drive me crazy**_

_**I just cant sleep**_

_**Im so excited, I'm in too deep**_

_**Ohh...crazy, but it feels alright**_

_**Baby, thinkin of you keeps me up all night**_

_**Tell Me, you're so into me**_

_**That i'm the only one you will see**_

_**Tell me, i'm not in the blue**_

_**That i'm not wastin, my feelings on you**_

_**You drive me crazy**_

_**I just cant sleep**_

_**Im so excited, I'm in too deep**_

_**Ohh...crazy, but it feels alright**_

_**Baby, thinkin of you keeps me up all night**_

_**Crazy, I just can't sleep**_

_**I'm so excited, I'm in too deep**_

_**Crazy, But it feels alright**_

_**Every Day and Every Night**_

_**You drive me crazy**_

_**I just cant sleep**_

_**Im so excited, I'm in too deep**_

_**Ohh...crazy, but it feels alright**_

_**Baby, thinkin of you keeps me up all night**_

_**You Drive Me Crazy (You drive me crazy baby)**_

_**Ohh..Crazy, But It Feels Alright**_

_**Baby Thinkin of you keeps me up all night**_

_**Baby Thinkin of you keeps me up all night**_

­They applauded her and she couldn't help but grin. Of course, no one really knew why. Odd choice for an opening song, but she didn't to a terrible job. Maybe it was the shock of seeing someone like her doing such a stereotypical song. Who knew.

Umbridge tsked a few times before speaking,

"You're too weird for something like that. Stick to your kind my dear." Voldemort raised an eyebrow at her but didn't comment, instead he just sighed and rubbed his temples.

"Please. Someone get me some Excedrin." Michael leaned forward and looked at her,

"Your voice is good. The song is bad. Try something a little more different next time."

Luna smiled and left the stage. Dumbledore once more greeted the audience,

"Now we have James Potter, who'll charm us with 'All Star'!" The Fangirl section went wild, just as with Sirius and Fred before him. I mean, what can I say? These boys were cute! He was in a pair of denim pants and loose shirt, comfy and Jameies.

_**Somebody once told me the world's was gonna roll me,**_

_**I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. **_

_**Well she was lookin' kinda dumb with her finger in her thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead......**_

_**Well the years start comin' and they don't stop comin', **_

_**back to the rules and I hit the ground runnin'.**_

_**didn't make sense not to live for fun,**_

_**your brain gets smart, but your head gets dumb. **_

_**So much to do so much to see, **_

_**so whats wrong with takin the backstreets. **_

_**you'll never know if you don't goi,**_

_**you'll never shine if you dont glow...**_

_**Hey now your an allstar,**_

_**get your ganme on go play. **_

_**Hey now your a rockstar get your show on get paid. **_

_**(and all that glitter is gold)**_

_**Only shooting stars break the mold.**_

_**Its a cool place and they say it gets colder,**_

_**your bundled up now, wait till' ya get older. **_

_**But the media man makes the differ'**_

_**judging by the hole in the satelitte picture. **_

_**The ice we skate is gettin pretty thin, **_

_**the waters' gettin' warm you might as well swim.**_

_**My world's on fire, howabout' yours. **_

_**thats the way I like it cause i'lll never get board......**_

_**Hey now your an allstar, **_

_**get your ganme on go play. **_

_**Hey now your a rockstar get your show on get paid. **_

_**(and all that glitter is gold)**_

_**Only shooting stars break the mold.**_

_**(Music in between verses...)**_

_**Hey now your an allstar**_

_**get your game on go play,**_

_**hey now your a rockstar, get your show on get paid.**_

_**(and all that glitter is gold) **_

_**only shooting stars....**_

_**Somebody once asked**_

_**could I spare some change for gas**_

_**i need to get myself away from this place. **_

_**I said yep, whatta' concept,**_

_**i could use a little fuel myself**_

_**and we could all use a little change......**_

_**Well, the years start comin'**_

_**and they don't stop comin'. **_

_**Back to the rules and I hit the ground runnin',**_

_**it didn't make sense not to live for fun, **_

_**your brain gets smart, but your head gets done,**_

_**so much to do, so much to see, **_

_**so whats wrong with takin' the backstreets. **_

_**You'lll never know if you don't go(GO!),**_

_**you'll never shine if you don't glow....**_

_**Hey now your an allstar,**_

_**get your ganme on go play. **_

_**Hey now your a rockstar get your show on get paid. **_

_**(and all that glitter is gold)**_

_**Only shooting stars break the mold.**_

_**(and all that glitter is gold) only shooting stars break the mold, (and all that glitter is gold) only shooting stars break the mold!**_

He bowed as the music stopped and waved to his fainting flock of fangirls. Pretty Alliteration! The Judges motioned him over because he had rather enjoyed the response. Umbridge looked at him as though she wanted a Percy or Filch, but got him instead.

"I don't quite agree with your song choice, but your voice is good." She sniffed and Voldemort turned green, apparently loathing carries on into the other world.

"If I could kill you again. I would." James gave him a wink, and both Michael and Dolores had to hold him back from attacking the soul named James. Michael merely said "Cool." James shrugged, winked to the fangirls and left the stage. Dumbledore waved as the lights went down once more.

"How're your guardian angel skills? Find yourself dazing out into the depths of time? You seem to fly slower than usual? Wishing your subject would die so you can take that vacation? Well in just three short weeks we'll teach all the shortcuts and secrets that make being a Guardian angel glamourous! You'll learn how to touch your subject and how to communicate with him or her, what to do when you knew the worst is coming and how to scare them shitless. Yes you heard me. I mean, wouldn't this be so much better if we could actually do something with our subjects? Well come to our class and you'll learn it all! We're on Cloud 6573, floor 17, room 9. Come and see what we're all about!"

Damn these sponsors certainly were windbags. Anyway, we're back to the next part of our game!

Dumbledore actually ran onto the stage. I guess being dead gives you back your old spunk,

"Hey there! I've just been talking with a few of our contestants to come and you're in for a real treat. So here you are, Rachel Kerrington with 'Love is a Battlefield'!" She came onto the stage, a camo skirt and tube top, combat boots and her hair was pin straight.

_**We are young, heartache to heartache we stand**_

_**No promises, no demands**_

_**Love Is A Battlefield**_

_**We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong**_

Searchin' our hearts for so long, both of us knowing 

_**Love Is A Battlefield**_

_**You're beggin' me to go, you're makin' me stay**_

_**Why do you hurt me so bad?**_

_**It would help me to know**_

_**Do I stand in your way, or am I the best thing you've had?**_

_**Believe me, believe me, I can't tell you why**_

_**But I'm trapped by your love, and I'm chained to your side**_

_**We are young, heartache to heartache we stand**_

_**No promises, no demands**_

_**Love Is A Battlefield**_

_**We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong**_

_**Searchin' our hearts for so long, both of us knowing**_

_**Love Is A Battlefield**_

_**We're losing control**_

_**Will you turn me away or touch me deep inside?**_

_**And before this gets old, will it still feel the same?**_

_**There's no way this will die**_

_**But if we get much closer, I could lose control**_

_**And if your heart surrenders, you'll need me to hold**_

_**We are young, heartache to heartache we stand**_

_**No promises, no demands**_

_**Love Is A Battlefield**_

_**We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong**_

_**Searchin' our hearts for so long, both of us knowing**_

_**Love Is A Battlefield**_

_**We are young, heartache to heartache we stand**_

_**No promises, no demands**_

_**Love Is A Battlefield**_

_**We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong**_

_**Searchin' our hearts for so long, both of us knowing**_

_**Love Is A Battlefield**_

They loved her. Not only was the performance simple enough for the look to work, her voice gave a new depth to the song. She got quite a few catcalls from some guys in the audience and she shined. Blowing them all kisses she went over to the Judges.

Umbridge sniffed slightly and looked reprovingly at her,  
"I'm sorry. That just wasn't very good." Rachel scoffed at her, and the crowd agreed. Voldemort had gotten his Excedrin it seemed and just looked at her,

"I hate that song." Which from him was the closest thing to a compliment one would get.

"You would give Pat a run for her money my dear." Michael said with a grin, "I hope you grow upon this. You gonna be kickass in the end, I know." She smiled and winked and left. Albus came back on grinning as usual,

"Well let's see if our next act will top that! Please Welcome Draco Malfoy with" He was just as sexy as usual and the girls went wild. It was obvious these boys would stick around for a while, even if only for their looks.

_**I will dedicate and sacrifice my everything for just a seconds worth of how my story's ending. **_

_**And I wish I could know if the directions that I take and all the choices that I make won't end up all for nothing.**_

_**Show me what it's for.**_

_**Make me understand it. **_

_**I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer. **_

_**Is there something more than what I've been handed? **_

_**I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer.**_

_**Help me carry on. **_

_**Assure me it's ok to use my heart and not my eyes to navigate the darkness. **_

_**Will the ending be ever coming suddenly? **_

_**Will I ever get to see the ending to my story?**_

_**Show me what it's for.**_

_**Make me understand it. **_

_**I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer. **_

_**Is there something more than what I've been handed? **_

_**I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer.**_

_**So when and how will I know?..**_

_**How much further do I have to go? **_

_**How much longer until I finally know? Because I'm looking and I just can't see what's in front of me, in front of me!**_

_**Show me what it's for.**_

_**Make me understand it. **_

_**I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer. **_

_**Is there something more than what I've been handed? **_

_**I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer.**_

He nodded and turned to the Judges, who seemed slightly uncomfortable. Maybe it was the fact that Draco looked just like Lucifer that they were afraid to anger him. Umbridge nodded and said 'Nice job."

Voldemort sighed, "I'm afraid we'll see more of you." And Michael eyed him rather oddly, or so it seemed, "Haven't I seen you before?"

Draco just scoffed and left the stage. That was helpful. "Next up is Ron Weasley with 'I Want You'!" Came Albus' voice.

He resembled Fred with his hair, only Ron's was shorter and more messy. He was formal, but relaxed in his attire and his eyes shined.

_**Anytime I need to see your face I just close my eyes**_

And I am taken to a place 

_**Where your crystal minds and magenta feelings**_

_**Take up shelter in the base of my spine**_

_**Sweet like a chica cherry cola**_

_**I don't need to try to explain**_

_**I just hold on tight and If it happens again**_

_**I may move so slightly to the arms**_

_**And the lips and the face**_

_**Of The Human Cannonball that**_

_**I need to I want to...**_

_**Come stand a little bit closer**_

_**Breathe in and get a bit higher**_

_**You'll never know what hit you when**_

_**I get to you**_

_**Ooh I want you, I don't know if I need you but**_

_**Ooh I'd die to find out**_

_**Ooh I want you, I don't know if I need you but**_

_**Ooh I'd die to find out**_

_**I'm the kind of person who endorses a deep commitment**_

_**Getting comfy getting perfect is what I live for**_

_**But a look and then a smell of perfume**_

_**It's like I'm down on the floor**_

_**And I Don't know what I'm in for**_

_**Conversation has a time and place in the interaction**_

_**Of a lover and a mate but the time of talking**_

_**Using symbols, using words can be likened**_

_**To a deep sea diver who is swimming with a raincoat**_

_**Come stand a little bit closer**_

_**Breathe in and get a bit higher**_

_**You'll never know what hit you when**_

_**I get to you**_

_**Ooh I want you, I don't know if I need you but**_

_**Ooh I'd die to find out**_

_**Ooh I want you, I don't know if I need you but**_

_**Ooh I'd die to find out**_

_**Ooh, ahh...**_

_**Ooh, ahh...**_

_**Anytime I need to see your face I just close my eyes**_

And I am taken to a place 

_**Where your crystal minds and magenta feelings**_

_**Take up shelter in the base of my spine**_

_**Sweet like a chica cherry cola**_

_**I don't need to try to explain**_

_**I just hold on tight and If it happens again**_

_**I may move so slightly to the arms**_

_**And the lips and the face**_

_**Of The Human Cannonball that**_

_**I need to I want to...**_

They cheered him and his ears went pink as he sheepishly went to the Judges,

"That was very nice Dear." Dolores said.

"We have an endless supply of red hair and weasels." Voldemort stated and Michael gave him a thumbs up. Ron left the stage to be replaced once more by the tedious Dumbledore,  
"Now we have our favorite Lycanthrope, Remus Lupin, with a rather ironic song, 'Hungry Like the Wolf'!" His response was better than Lucius or Snape's, but it wasn't quite up to par with Sirius or Fred.

_**Dark in the city night is a wire**_

_**Steam in the subway earth is afire**_

_**Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo**_

Woman you want me give me a sign 

_**And catch my breathing even closer behind**_

_**Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo**_

_**In touch with the ground**_

_**I'm on the hunt I'm after you**_

_**Smell like I sound I'm lost in a crowd.**_

_**And I'm hungry like the wolf.**_

_**Straddle the line in discord and rhyme**_

_**I'm on the hunt I'm after you.**_

_**Mouth is alive with juices like wine**_

_**And I'm hungry like the wolf**_

_**Stalked in the forest too close to hide**_

_**I'll be upon you by the moonlight side**_

_**Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo**_

_**High blood Drumming on your skin it's so tight**_

_**You feel my heart I'm just a moment behind**_

_**Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo**_

_**In touch with the ground**_

_**I'm on the hunt I'm after you**_

_**Scent and a sound. I'm lost and I'm found**_

_**And I'm hungry like the wolf.**_

_**Strut on a line it's discord and rhyme**_

_**I howl and I whine I'm after you**_

_**Mouth is alive all running inside**_

_**And I'm hungry like the wolf.**_

_**Hungry like the wolf**_

_**Hungry like the wolf**_

_**Hungry like the wolf**_

_**Burning the ground I break from the crowd**_

_**I'm on the hunt I'm after you**_

_**I smell like I sound. I'm lost and I'm found**_

_**And I'm hungry like the wolf**_

_**Strut on a line it's discord and rhyme**_

_**I'm on the hunt I'm after you**_

_**Mouth is alive with juices like wine**_

_**And I'm hungry like the wolf**_

He bowed and gave a thankful smile to the audience and turned to the Judges. Umbridge was frowning, Voldemort looked remotely interested and Michael was nodding.

"Half-breed!" Umbridge spitted out, and someone threw a shoe at her.

"Would you be interested in heading my Werewolf Army?" Tom asked, Remus kindly declined. And Michael continued to nod,

"Good job." With a nod, Remus left the stage and the audience clapped. Dumbledore announced that they were to hear another sponsor and the group moaned collectively.

"Looking for some peace and quiet, away from the humdrum's of the Afterlife? Well come on over to Avalon Gardens. The Afterlife's number one resort. We have people certified in alignment of your soul, sunray wraps to get rid of those awful cloud blotches. And many other services our guest may need. Avalon Gardens is centrally located in the middle of the Golden city. Just walk through those pearly gates and take a streetcar named desire to the Avalon! See you there!"

"Now we have another Weasley, George this time with Jenny 8675309!" He looked identical to his twin, much to the happiness of the fangirls in the front row. He smiled and started.

_**Jenny Jenny, who can I turn to?**_

_**You give me something**_

_**I can hold on to**_

_**I know you think I like the others before**_

_**We your name and number on the wall**_

_**Jenny, I got your number**_

_**I need to make you mine**_

_**Jenny, don't change your number**_

_**8675309 (8675309)**_

_**8675309 (8675309)**_

_**Jenny Jenny, your only girl for me**_

_**You don't know me, but you make me so happy**_

_**I tried to call you before**_

_**But I lost mind**_

_**I tried my imagination,**_

_**But I was disturbed**_

_**Jenny, I got your number**_

_**I need to make you mine**_

_**Jenny, don't change your number**_

_**8675309 (8675309)**_

_**8675309 (8675309)**_

_**I got it (I got it)**_

_**I got it**_

_**I got your number on the wall**_

_**I got it (I got it)**_

_**I got it**_

_**For a good time**_

_**For a good time call**_

_**Jenny, I got your number**_

_**I need to make you mine**_

_**Jenny, don't change your number**_

_**8675309 (8675309)**_

_**8675309 (8675309)**_

_**Jenny, Jenny, who can I turn to?**_

_**(8675309)**_

_**On the bright side,**_

_**I can always turn to you**_

_**(8675309)**_

_**8675309**_

_**(8675309)**_

_**8675309**_

He finished and bowed, a little out of breath and grinning from ear to ear. The Judges were unimpressed.

"You're just like your brother." That was good, Umbridge. He has two in this competition.

"You all suck. Get off the stage." Tom told him. Michael shrugged,

"Didn't hate it, didn't like it." George left the stage and the girls shrieked in protest, but Albus silenced them,

"Now, now girls. You'll get them back, all back I promise. Next up we have Blaise Zabini with 'You Oughta Know'!" They crowd cheered and she walked out onto the stage.

_**I want you to know, that I am happy for you**_

_**I wish nothing but the best for you both**_

_**An older version of me**_

_**Is she perverted like me?**_

_**Would she go down on you in a theater?**_

_**Does she speak eloquently**_

_**And would she have your baby?**_

I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother 

_**'Cause the love that you gave that we made**_

_**Wasn't able to make it enough for you**_

_**To be open wide, No**_

_**And every time you speak her name**_

_**Does she know how you told me**_

_**You'd hold me until you died**_

_**Till you died, but you're still alive**_

_**And I'm here, to remind you**_

_**Of the mess you left when you went away**_

_**It's not fair, to deny me**_

_**Of the cross I bear that you gave to me**_

_**You, you, you oughta know**_

_**You seem very well, things look peaceful**_

_**I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know**_

_**Did you forget about me, Mr. Duplicity?**_

_**I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner**_

_**It was a slap in the face**_

_**How quickly I was replaced**_

_**And are you thinking of me when you fucked her?**_

_**'Cause the love that you gave that we made**_

_**Wasn't able to make it enough for you**_

_**To be open wide, No**_

_**And every time you speak her name**_

_**Does she know how you told me**_

_**You'd hold me until you died**_

_**Till you died, but you're still alive**_

_**And I'm here, to remind you**_

_**Of the mess you left when you went away**_

_**It's not fair, to deny me**_

_**Of the cross I bear that you gave to me**_

_**You, you, you oughta know**_

_**Ohh... aah... ahh... ahh...**_

_**'Cause the joke that you laid in the bed**_

_**That was me and I'm not gonna fade**_

_**As soon as you close your eyes, and you know it**_

_**And every time I scratch my nails**_

_**Down someone else's back I hope you feel it**_

_**Well, can you feel it?**_

_**'Cause the love that you gave that we made**_

_**Wasn't able to make it enough for you**_

_**To be open wide, No**_

_**And every time you speak her name**_

_**Does she know how you told me**_

_**You'd hold me until you died**_

_**Till you died, but you're still alive**_

_**And I'm here, to remind you**_

_**Of the mess you left when you went away**_

_**It's not fair, to deny me**_

_**Of the cross I bear that you gave to me**_

_**You, you, you oughta know**_

The song ended and she waved, turning to the Judges, who were shifting uncomfortably in their chairs.

"That was quite mean, my dear. The boy probably had a good reason to do something like that..." Umbridge said meekly. Voldmort snorted,  
"If I was your boyfriend, I'd cheat. Whore."

"You seem to really connect to this song. Plus your voice was good. We'll see more of you I'm sure." Michael grinned slightly and she thanked them then left.

Dumbledore came back out,

"Hermione Granger, everyone, with 'Heartbreaker'!"

Hermione was apprehensive coming out, she'd never performed in front of a crowd this large before. But the music started and she relaxed.

_**Your love is like a tidal wave**_

_**Spinnin' over my head**_

_**Drownin' me in your promises**_

_**Better left unsaid**_

_**You're the right kind of sinner to release my inner fantasies**_

_**The invincible winner, and you know that you were born to be**_

_**You're a heartbreaker, dreammaker,**_

_**Love-taker, don't you mess around with me**_

_**You're a heartbreaker, dreammaker,**_

_**Love-taker, don't you mess around, no no no**_

_**Your love has set my soul on fire**_

_**Burnin' outta control**_

_**You taught me the ways of desire**_

_**Now it's takin' its toll**_

_**You're the right kind of sinner to release my inner fantasies**_

_**The invincible winner, and you know that you were born to be**_

_**You're a heartbreaker, dreammaker,**_

_**Love-taker, don't you mess around with me**_

_**You're a heartbreaker, dreammaker,**_

_**Love-taker, don't you mess around, no no no**_

_**You're the right kind of sinner to release my inner fantasies**_

_**The invincible winner, and you know that you were born to be**_

_**You're a heartbreaker, dreammaker,**_

_**Love-taker, don't you mess around with me**_

_**You're a heartbreaker, dreammaker,**_

_**Love-taker, don't you mess around, no no no**_

_**You're a heartbreaker, dreammaker,**_

_**love-taker, don't you mess around with me**_

_**You're a heartbreaker, dreammaker,**_

_**love-taker, heartbreaker!**_

Umbridge was back and smiled at her,

"You did marvelous." Voldemort scoffed,

"I can't believe they let you in. God what is the world coming too."

"Mighty fine, my girl!" Michael said and winked at her. She nodded embrassedly and left the stage. Albus was still clapping as he took center once more.

"Well, that was much better! Now, we only have one more act. The Golden Boy himself, Harry Potter!" He came out onto the stage in a getup straight from the 80's. The music started and he began.

_**We're a happy family we're a happy family we're a happy family me mom and daddy**_

_**We're a happy family we're a happy family we're a happy family me mom and daddy**_

_**Siting here in Queens eating refried beans we're in all the magazines**_

_**Gulpin' down thorazines we ain't got no friends our troubles never end**_

_**No Christmas cards to send daddy likes men daddy's telling lies baby's eating flies**_

_**Mommy's on pills baby's got the chills I'm friends with the President**_

_**I'm friends with the Pope we're all making a fortune selling Daddy's dope**_

_**Siting here in Queens eating refried beans we're in all the magazines**_

_**Gulpin' down thorazines we ain't got no friends our troubles never end**_

_**No Christmas cards to send daddy likes men**_

_**We're a happy family we're a happy family we're a happy family me mom and daddy**_

_**We're a happy family we're a happy family we're a happy family me mom and daddy**_

_**We're a happy family we're a happy family we're a happy family me mom and daddy**_

_**We're a happy family we're a happy family we're a happy family me mom and daddy**_

_**We're a happy family we're a happy family we're a happy family me mom and daddy**_

_**We're a happy family we're a happy family we're a happy family me mom and daddy...**_

He bowed to the fangirls and the rest of them, then turned to the Judges, the familiar twinge of pain in his scar as Voldemort glared at him.

"You need to stop telling lies. I thought we'd discussed that in your fifth year." She tutted and folded her hands in her lap.

"Avada Kedrava!" Voldemort bellowed, a green light shot out at Harry, who grinned. It bounced off him and hit Voldemort.

"Déjà vu." He muttered and sulked back. Michael smiled,

"Good job. You have talent." He nodded, gave Voldemort a wink and left the stage. Dumbledore came back on,

"Well, that concludes today's competition, you all have seen the contestants, now you must vote! The one with the least votes will be gone. You have until next week when the 15 remaining ones will perform a country song for us. Come on back!"

The lights went black and the crowd started to mill about, trying to get to one of the voting booths. Hopefully they'd be able to get the butterfly ballots. Wouldn't want something like the 2000 presidential election to happen. Next, we'll see how the contestants felt about their first performance and see what's brewing in the Afterlife Idol house.


End file.
